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The Assassin insists on this type of dress at the Blacktop
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WE HAVE A NEW WEBSITE. GO TO THE GUESTBOOK PAGE OF www.hamhocks.50megs.com to make any comments that may be deemed necessary.
www.hamhocks.50megs.com
NEWSFLASH: Ferris Home For Seven Years (Saturday 7/23/05) at the bottom of the "WHAT'S NEW PAGE"
Article regarding Saturday, July 16, 2005, at the top of the CUSTOM2 Page.
Article Regarding Wednesday Night, 7/13/05, at the top of the ABOUT PAGE.
NEW ARTICLE FROM SATURDAY, JULY 9, 2005 ON THE ABOUT PAGE (WAY AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE)
*******"Bad, Bad Stevie Spec" - Sung to the tune of "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown" - Lyrics satirized from Jim Croce
Well the north side of Dartmouth////To deSilva's we all trek////And if you go down there you better just beware of a man named Stevie Spec.////
Now Spec more than trouble////You see he stand about five foot four////Ol' Shaniqua calls him "treetop lover"////All the players call his game poor////
And he's bad, bad Stevie Spec////The worst player at the Com Rec////Badder than old King Kong////Every play he makes is wrong////
Now Spec he a scorer////And he likes his fancy shot////And he likes to take his fallaways////Although his teammates all plead NOT////He got a really bad jumper////He drives really badly too////He got no game and it's a shame and really lame////He got a game that stinks PU////
And he's bad, bad Stevie Spec////The worst player at the Com Rec////Badder than old King Kong////Every play he makes is wrong////
www.hamhocks.50megs.com
www.josethemvp.50megs.com
www.gardnertheassassin.50megs.com
www.robeshasnogame.50megs.com
www.desilvablacktopleague.50megs.com
MOVIE REVIEW: "NAPOLEON DYNAMITE" - This movie, available on VHS, for your VCR, or DVD, is the real life story of the Blacktop's Stephen Roberge. Alternately hysterical and melancholy, it will take you where no person has ever dared to tread, into the innermost thoughts and the life of Steve Roberge. This is must-see viewing. Robes could actually be recognized by the Academy for the Performing Arts for allowing his true life story to be documented in a movie format. This film has earned our highest recommendation. Any and ALL Blacktoppers MUST SEE this movie.
Rating: 5 stars (just for portraying Robes so accurately)
BLACKTOP ENDS ON SOUR NOTE - The Assassin fibs On Saturday, 12/18, 3 men showed up to play basketball at the deSilva residence. One of the men had no choice but to show up since he actually lives at the residence. At any rate, there they were: Stephen "Spec" Roberge, Norman "Hamhocks" deSilva and Yours Truly. Not counting amongst the men, but allegedly showing up at deSilva's at like 2:30 pm, was Jose The MVP. When you tokenly show up, just to save face, 4 hours after the planned start of the basketball festivities, it goes into the Blacktop official scorebook as a DNS (Did Not Show) and you don't count as one of the men. Also listed as DNS were Jeffrey "The Assassin" Gardner, Richard "J-Man" Jalbert, Ambrose "Little Bitch - Butter Knife" Smith and Kurtis "NBPD" Gonsalves. I know that Kurtis wasn't allowed to show up because he was serving his at-home confinement sentence for being late getting home last week to help put up some Christmas decorations. Kurtis is therefore excused from his DNS status since, after having eaten a steady diet of beans myself, I know what he was up against. It is unknown where Butter Knife and J-Man were and therefore their DNS status is unexcused. But the most flagrant DNS of them all goes to The Assassin. This guy actually went through the trouble of having his own father lie for him in order to throw off any Black Op mission due his DNS status. At approximately 11:15 am, Spec called Gardner Realty and asked to speak to Jeff Gardner. The reason Spec had to call the realty company is that The Assassin refuses to provide any information (home phone, cell phone, beeper, home address) to anybody as to where he can be located. Spec, as a senior member of the Black Op Unit, immediately went undercover as somebody answered the phone at Gardner Realty. Spec asked for Jeff and was told that he had just left (yeah, right). So, in order to headfake the phone answerer into providing some information, Spec told the phone answerer that Jeff was late for an 11 am showing of a house and that he needed to speak to Jeff regarding it right away. The rest of the conversation went something like this: phone answerer (PA) - "Cut the shit." Spec - "Is this Mr. Gardner?" PA - "Yes, this is Mr. Gardner." Spec - "Oh, hi Mr. Gardner. I was just wondering how we could get in touch with Jeff." PA - "Is this one of those basketball players trying to get Jeff to play?" Spec - "Yes sir, Mr. Gardner. Do you have a phone number that I can use to get Jeff?" PA - "Yeah, try his cell. It's 508-772-4916." Spec - "Thanks, Mr. Gardner." So, what happens then? Spec calls the number and, after the guy who answered told Spec that he had the wrong number, the guy hollers at Spec to "F-ck Off!" Needless to say, Spec was a little shaken by these developments. God only knows who Mr. Gardner had Spec call or why Jeff would tell his father to provide a false cellphone number to a brother Blacktopper. But, it happened just like this and I'm not kidding. A truly sour note that puts the finishing touches on a memorable 2004 Blacktop season. Even though it was all wet last week (6 men still showed up to play) and there was no action and there were numerous DNS's this week and, therefore, nobody could play, this season was the longest in modern Blacktop history. The previous modern day record for playing at the deSilva residence was December 1, 2001. That, of course, led to the 1st Band of Brothers 3 on 3 Tournament being played. This year, the date of the last games was December 4th. That was, in case you've forgotten, the day that Lenny's team beat Spec's team in a best of three series to round out the year. It's really too bad that we had the DNS's today. Hammy and Spec will concur that, although it was only about 38 degrees out there, there was no wind and it was very sunny and would have been a great day to wrap up the Blacktop. So, the season ends with one burning question: Why would The Assassin, one of the more feared competitors at the Blacktop, actually have his father lie for him in order to try to avert a Black Ops operation? I guess that The Assassin just didn't feel like having his car stolen or his property damaged. Oh, now that I think of it, there is one other burning question: Does anybody know what dates Providence College has games on this season? It seems that nobody can locate a schedule of their games this year.
josethemvp.50megs.com
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INTERVIEW WITH THE MVP Now that he no longer has his own website, it seems fitting that Jose The MVP Gonsalves be interviewed for these pages. Just as The Assassin had BaBa WaWa do her last interview with him (www.gardnertheassassin.50megs.com), Jose The MVP had retiring Tom Brokaw, of NBC News, do his final interview with him. TB: Good evening and welcome to my last interview for NBC. Tonight I will be interviewing Jose Gonsalves or, as all you TV viewers know him, The MVP. Good evening Mr. Gonsalves. MVP: Good evening, Tom. Feel free to refer to me as The MVP. TB: OK, The MVP. Let's get started. First question: How does a 73-year old man compete on the Blacktop with this new, young crop of player? MVP: Well, Tom, you're not the 1st one to ask that question. First, like the Red Sox new acquisition David Wells, who is 42-years old, I treat my body like a temple. I used to have a major problem with Rusty Nails back in the day, but I quit that habit and now only indulge in a few O'Doul's once a week or so. I also go to the geriatric center and walk the track with the 82-year old cardiac patients on a regular basis. TB: How is it that you can still be a member of the state police at your advanced age? MVP: Listen, even with 58 years as a state police officer I still have more activity and arrests than 65% of the present troopers that are one-third, or less, my age. TB: If you can remember, since it's been so long, do you have a most memorable arrest? MVP: Oh yeah. I remember when I only had about 12 years on the job and we took down that punk John Dillinger in a movie theatre. The FBI grabbed the headlines, but I did all of the work. TB: Getting back to basketball, besides the Blacktop, are you still involved in any organized leagues? MVP: Oh yeah. J-Man and me play in the over-70 league at the New Bedford Boys Club. Thanks to me and J-Man, we won the championship last season and also had the fewest heart attacks per player per team for 2003. Our team only had two of our guys go into cardiac arrest during the season. Luckily, they both made it and will be playing for us again this year. We hope to repeat; the championship, that is, not the heart attacks. TB: I'm afraid that our viewers may not be familiar with the person you refer to as J-Man. He's obviously not as well known to the public as you. Who is he? MVP: Oh, sorry. J-Man is Rick Jalbert. He's a 70-year old washed-up guard that's been riding my coattails for years. Nice guy, but can't play for crap anymore unless he has Butter Knife guarding him. Then, he turns into Pete Maravich at LSU. TB: The MVP, I'm afraid that our viewing audience isn't too familiar with these nicknames that you're using. Would you mind elaborating on them? MVP: No problem. Butter Knife would be Ambrose Smith. Some call him Little Bitch, but most of us don't take too much stock of that name. The poor bugger actually sustained injuries trying to guard J-Man earlier this year and had to be treated at the Shriner's Hospital for 2nd degree burns and severe blisters. TB: Any others that you'd like to share with us? MVP: Absolutely. We got Hamhocks, who's actually Norm deSilva. He's the guy that owns the Blacktop and let's us play there. Likes to cook for 20, even when there's only 10 people there. This guys arms are so big that they look like thighs. We got Spec, who's actually Steve Roberge. Good player with a good sense of humor, but the guy is too inept to even find the Providence College schedule for 2004-2005 anywhere. This guy is no Rhodes scholar. We got The King, really Cliff Furtado. Nice kid, plays for the Bridgewater State College Bears. At the Blacktop, he's never seen a shot that he feels he can't make. But what can you say - the King is the King is the King. We got Rasheed, actually Billy Eccles. Good player on the Blacktop with tremendous coordination. Off the Blacktop, he has the coordination of a guy with two left hands. Never leave him near any power equipment. We've got The Assassin, real name Jeff Gardner. Hustles like a nut and plays with total disregard for himself or anybody else, but seldom tells the truth and implicates well-respected family members in his web of unthruths. Hopefully, TLA can straighten him out. Oh, sorry. TLA is the infant offspring of The Assassin; real name: Harry. We're hoping to have TLA playing at the Blacktop next season. Stigmata is going to work with him on his game. Whoops, sorry again. Stigmata is Chad Pimental. This is actually his website. Probably THE best player at the Blacktop, but still willing to help the older, less-able players with their skills. It's not often that you get an unselfish person with the abilities of a Stigmata who is willing to give back, if you will, to the less talented players at the Blacktop. We've got my son Kurtis who, when written about, is referred to as NBPD. I've passed on my knowledge and some abilities to Kurt, but he has a lot of work to do. If he works harder, he could be a factor at the Blacktop in the future. He rode my MVPism to the BoB Championship this year. Has a lot of gastrointestinal problems because, like Lenny, he tends to eat a lot of beans. Speaking of gastro problems, we've got my other son, Mark. He's known as Air Freshener. Let's just say that nobody is willing to use the bathroom facilities in the deSilva poolhouse for at least 2 hours after Mark has been squatted there. We've got Paulo (II), who is actually Justin Coelho. Paulo and Stigmata must have the longest imbilical cord in the world attached to each other. You never see one without the other. They are the siamese twins of the Blacktop, although Paulo lacks Stigmata's coaching expertise. Stigmata has coached Paulo into playing defense with his hands behind his back. It's suppose to be, according to Stig, revolutionary. TB: Wow, that's quite a crew. MVP: Oh, that's not all. There's a bunch of other people who play at the Blacktop that I'm not even going to bother to get into now. I'm going to wait for my HBO special to discuss them. TB: OK, The MVP, anything that you'd like to say in closing. MVP: Yeah Tom, I'd just like to thank the deSilva family for having us over all year and I'd also like to wish all Blacktoppers a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year for them and their families. I'd also like to point out that the opinions written here may NOT necessarily be mine and are intended to be humorous. If anybody takes offense to the ridiculous things that have been written here and attributed to me (The MVP), I say come by my house in Freetown any time you can muster up the guts and we'll "discuss" it out in my driveway. TB: This is Tom Brokaw saying good night and carry on.
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The sun sets on Steve Roberge's basketball career