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The Assassin waits his turn to shoot at the line
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ROBES GOES SKIING Sunday, January 2, 2005 was going to be a great day. It was the start of a new year, one filled with great promise of renewing old friendships and enjoying the company of my Blacktop brethren. Not only that, but my friend Steve Roberge had told me that we would all be going up to watch the NFL Champion New England Patriots play against the hapless San Francisco 49'ers in Foxboro, Massachusetts. Although I knew that the game would probably be a mismatch, I was excited about continuing what has become somewhat of a tradition amongst Blacktoppers of attending a late season Pats game and enjoying a couple of cocktails before, during and after the contest. So, as I waited in my humble abode to hear from Robes, on Sunday morning, with the particulars of our impending trip, I imagined a great day of male bonding and the inevitable laughs that would soon be occurring. So, I sat and waited...and waited...and waited...etc. At approximately 2:15 pm on that Sunday afternoon, as I watched the game on TV, I received a telephone call from one of my most trusted reliable confidential informants. The CI advised me that I was waiting in vain because Mr. Roberge had gone skiing with a friend and would not be going to the Patriots' game at all. Being the law enforcement professional and investigator that I am, I had sensed that something might be amiss when the 2nd quarter of the game had started and I had still not heard from Robes but, until I got the gist of the situation from my informant, I held out faith that Robes would be true to his word. Unfortunately, I was very wrong. Apparently, Mr. Roberge went skiing with a character who was described to me as living an alternate lifestyle, if you know what I mean. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I guess that Robes' skiing companion had once come to the Blacktop but was so offended by the brutish behavior there, not to mention the male-chauvenistic conversations, that his sense of decency was bruised and he vowed never to be in the company (especially Hamhocks) of any Blacktoppers ad infinitum. So there, you ruffians. What blows me away is that Robes would rather go skiing with this person (not that there's anything wrong with that) than keep a promise to his fellow Blacktoppers. At any rate, I watched the Patriots beat the Niners 21-7 on television and had a beer by myself. I wondered if Robes had bothered to contact Chainsaw, Rasheed, Air Freshener and Nate, who I understand were thinking of going to the game. If anyone has any information as to whether any of them are still sitting at home, waiting to get picked up to attend the Pats game, please advise me via the Guestbook Page of this website so that I can try to contact them to let them know that, apparently, the trip is off. How was the skiing, Robes? We all certainly hope that you had a nice time. When are we attending the Providence College game? Oh yeah, that's right, they didn't publish a schedule this year. I forgot.
3 on 3 on Saturday, May 21, 2005 Numerous games of 3 on 3 were played today at the deSilva residence. Seven stalwarts showed up to play, squeezing in a bunch of half-court games before the rains came. The show-uppers were: Hamhocks deSilva, Billy Shea, Cliff "The King" Furtado, KC Grandfield, Ambrose "Chainsaw" Smith, Jose the MVP and yours truly. Absent with permission were: NC deSilva (still at school), Stigmata (still in Texas) and Kurtis Gonsalves (midnight shift worker). AWOL were: Stephen "Spec" Roberge, Jeff "The Assassin" Gardner, Mark "Air Freshener" Gonsalves, Justin "Paulo" Coelho, TLA, Brian "The Backcracker", Rick Jalbert, Brian Jalbert and Kris Gonsalves. The AWOLs missed the setting of a single day record for saying the F-word by Billy Shea. The Fall Riverite beat out Al Pacino's "Scarface" character by saying the F-word a documented 247 times during the course of the day. Congratulations Bill! The big question, of course, is: where were the AWOLs? We know that Robes has quit the game, so it was no shock that he wasn't there. Who the hell knows what his website entry of "I'M BACK BABY, I'M BACK" even meant? I think that TLA summed Robes' entry up well in the entry that he made on the Guestbook Page, right after Robes' entry. Of course, the question remains: where was TLA and his old man? TLA might have had a little diaper rash or something, but that's no excuse for The Assassin. The Assassin's Guestbook Page entry asking what time we were playing kind of indicated that he would be there today. Unfortunately, for some reason, The Assassin couldn't answer the bell. Those who were there know what went down on the Blacktop today. Those who weren't, as Roberge so eloquently put it, can "eat sh*t". I know that's kind of harsh, but nobody ever accused Robes of being a wordsmith. At any rate, Hamhocks was coerced into starting Wednesday nights this week, if anybody will show up. The plan is to be at Hammy's at 6:00 pm this Wednesday (May 25th). The show-uppers of today, for the most part, indicated that they would be there this Wednesday night. The big question is, and the success of Wednesday night will depend upon, whether any AWOLs will show up. Of course, right now, the weather forecast is (surprise) rain for Wednesday. We'll see.
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NEWSFLASH: BUELLER HOME FOR SEVEN YEARS
Today, July 23rd, saw the total demise of Ferris Bueller as we knew him. It started on the Blacktop when Bueller couldn't hit a layup to save his life. For some reason, he decided that the best course of action while driving to the hoop was to loft the ball some 15' in the air, off of the very top of the backboard, and try to make it go in. Of course, this failed miserably. Luckily for Bueller his teammates carried the load and, like pilot fish Stigmata, Bueller rode his teammates collective backs to numerous victories. The Assassin, who was not on Ferris' team but having an unbelieveable day on the Blacktop (shooting rebounding, hustling), didn't seem to see the humor of Ferris' antics. I, as a veteran Blacktopper and Assassin observer, could see that, with Steve "Spec" Roberge not in attendance, The Assassin needed some fresh meat to destroy. Sure enough, during the last game of the day, The Assassin went into action. While Bueller, during another lackluster performance, was up in the air, The Assassin took him out in the blink of an eye. Ferris went down like Sonny Liston, while The Assassin struck that famous Cassius Clay pose with his right fist clenched, above him. As Bueller rolled around in agony on the Blacktop, I observed The Assassin check his watch for the time, as though Ferris' Assassin-induced injury was an inconvenience for him. This man, The Assassin, is a stone-cold killer. At any rate, after dragging Ferris off of the court, and with The King's team holding a 9-1 lead over the Buellerless team, I thought that it would be a good time to step up my offensive production. After taking the next 14 shots for my team and making one, The King's team lost 11-9. Now some may blame my lack of offensive prowess for losing the game, but most everybody there agreed that it was the fact that Bueller was no longer out on the court (courtesy of The Assassin) that helped his old team win the game. Therefore, by clipping Ferris, The Assassin, and not my poor offensive production, caused us to lose the game. Nice job, Assassin.
Bueller suggested that I write an article alleging that Stigmata and Spec were AWOL today because they had journeyed together down to Provincetown. I shined Bueller on, but I would never take a cheap shot at either Stig or Spec like that. I know that Spec didn't show because he was afraid that the J-Man would be there to blister him up again like Wednesday night. The joke was on you Spec because J-Man and Ben "Jose The MVP" Cartwright had to leave after just a few games. After the games were over, The Assassin left as usual, but not before telling Hamhocks that he'd be right back with his wife and TLA. Do you think that we ever saw The Assassin again? Of course that's a rhetorical question because we all already know the answer to it. For those of you who don't know the answer, it's a resounding NO. NO, we did not see The Assassin again. He had seen his duty and done it (by diabling Bueller) and he wasn't about to hang around. Bueller, to his credit, did stick around but unfortunately got liquored up in celebration of Ellie and started talking ragtime. Ferris, who obviously can't hold his liquor on a empty stomach, started slurring his thoughts about that poor blind lady Helen Keller (who, of course, in his state of inebriation Bueller referred to as "Helen Kelliher") and the fact that it was a good thing that The Assassin didn't return like he had said that he would because, if he did, he would have had to deal with Bueller. When I told Ferris that it isn't The Assassin that you have to worry about, it's TLA, he brazenly and drunkenly bragged that he'd take on the father and son combo at the same time. Obviously, to antagonize both The Assassin and TLA, you know that Bueller was absolutely loaded. Then, while Hamhocks was discussing the war in Iraq, out of the blue Bueller hollers, "I've been home for seven years." Hamhocks, wondering what the hell Ferris was talking about since it had nothing to do with the current conversation, inquired as to what Bueller was ranting about. Ferris incoherently explained that he had been living at home for about 7 years. WELL STOP THE PRESSES. ALERT CNN. Does Tom Brokaw know about this? INFORM THE CIA. Why, unless he was totally obliterated, would Bueller interrupt Hamhocks, while Hammy was expounding on current events? Now, maybe Bueller was just celebrating the fact that Ellie and her mom showed up at the deSilvas', or maybe he was just trying to dull the pain that The Assassin inflicted upon him but, at any rate, this guy has a problem with the sauce. And I always thought that Coyle guys could hold their booze.
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